by Andrea Syrtash
Lately it seems that celebrities staying married is more newsworthy than celebrities getting married. Even stars that looked like they had real shot at staying together, like Ben and Jen or Gwen and Gavin, have split up. But while stars aren’t always “Just like us!” there are lessons we can learn from their failed relationships.
Here are the top reasons most celebrity marriages fail and how we can prevent these mistakes from happening in our own relationships.
1. Lack of Together Time
Production and tour schedules take celebrities across the country and the world for weeks on end. Not surprisingly, this can make it tough for them to find time to prioritize their relationship, which becomes an issue in a marriage.
According to NaughtyGossip.com EIC Rob Shuter, “Oftentimes movies are not being shot where they live, so these actors are away for months at a time. While they’re filming, they often go back to an empty hotel room. It can be hard to be that lonely…”
While it’s healthy to have some time apart from your significant other, it’s important for your schedules to mostly be synced or you and your partner may start to feel like strangers.
If one of you is regularly traveling for work, make regular communication and video chats a part of your routine. For the days and weeks that you’re in the same place, take out your calendars and schedule together time. Once you treat the relationship like the priority it is, your time apart won’t make you feel so disconnected.
2. Too. Much. Ego.
In a partnership, you have to consider your partner’s needs and wants in addition to your own. This isn’t always the case with celebrities, who are used to being front-and-center in the spotlight.
Shuter says, “It’s really hard when you have people with an enormous amount of power, fame, money, and ego and you put two in one room.”
Celebrities who are used to having everyone cater to them may be resentful when their partners are demanding of their attention too. This may seem like too much work when they can find others who won’t expect as much from them.
While it’s important to assert your needs in a marriage, a partnership requires decision-making based on three factors: your needs, your partner’s needs, and your needs as a couple.
3. If You Don’t Grow Together, You’ll Grow Apart
According to Shuter, one reason celebrity relationships break down is because the rules change. He says, “In marriage, most peoples’ lives generally stay the same. That doesn’t happen to celebrities. One movie or record can change their lives overnight.”
He adds, “As wonderful as those opportunities sound, it can be very hard on a partner that didn’t sign up to be married to the sexiest man alive. Look at Bradley Cooper. He had a bit part on Sex and the City and then he was the star of ‘The Hangover’ and that’s a massive change.”
Your partner evolves just like you do. For this reason, it’s essential to keep checking in with each other to make sure your needs and wants are aligned. Stay curious about your S.O. and don’t make assumptions that he feels exactly the same about your lifestyle or his job as he did when you first met.
4. Constant Opportunities
Aside from the fact that celebrities have no shortage of fans who proposition them for a good time, many celebrities are put in a position where they have to make out with their attractive and charming coworkers as part of their job.
“Can you imagine if it was acceptable for you to fondle your coworkers? If it was okay to go up to someone’s desk and pretend to dry hump them? For actors, it’s not only acceptable, but required on the job. Being intimate with anybody will affect you and you’re working with some of the most beautiful people in the world. We’re only human…,” Shuter says.
While we may not be in a professional position that encourages us to hook up with our co-workers, we have more opportunities than ever before to cross the line. In addition to social media offering a private window for flirtation and connection, we’re spending more time outside of the home. Cheating is on the rise for women, in particular, because of this fact.
If we want to be faithful in our relationships, we should consider if we’re engaged in behavior with others that would make our partners uncomfortable if they were present. If the answer is yes, we may want to reevaluate our relationships and set more boundaries.
5. Love Shouldn’t Be Dramatic Like the Movies
What makes a great scene in a movie relationship (i.e., man running through the rain to try to get his lover back after he wronged her) makes for an uncomfortable scene in a marriage. A healthy marriage requires consistency, not drama.
According to Shuter, “Actors are used to extremes—success and failures.”
Another issue for many celebrities is that they don’t consider that falling in love feels very different from being in love. After a few years with one person, our brains literally change and we settle into a much more predictable and stable state together. This is normal, but may concern someone who wants to chase the giddy rush of new love.
The good news is that there’s a way to have consistency and excitement in your marriage. Introducing novel activities on a regular basis will remind you both that you can once again experience something exciting together.
Real love is different from reel love. That’s a good thing. A healthy marriage requires that partners consistency prioritize each other, communicate openly and treat each other with respect and kindness. Real love means that sometimes we get out of the spotlight to help our partners shine.
Andrea Syrtash is a relationship and lifestyle expert and the author of the new Audible book He’s Just Not Your Type (and That’s a Good Thing).